Chumbly Pie

I baked a lovely, Chumbly pie

To share between me, myself, and I

Ask for a slice and I’ll tell you, “Fie!

Go bake your own crumbly, Chumbly pie.

This one is for me, myself, and I

Oh yumbelly, numbelly, Chumbly pie

When you’re nothing but crumbs, I’ll pine and sigh

“Won’t someone share pie with myself and I?”

But a grumbly tumbly is my only reply

My Collab With Shakespeare

After talking about it for ages, Bill Shakespeare and I finally found time to collab on a poem. I think our styles blend fairly effortlessly:

When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on ducks—and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
    For downy ducklings remembered such wealth brings,
    That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

The Dragon of Lurvis

The Dragon of Lurvis

In the land of Noom

    In the town of Lurvis

Lives a dragon who works

    In customer service

He no longer hordes gold

    In his cave on Mt. Floo

Now he works making calls

    To accounts gone past due

Instead of bold knights

    Armed with shield and a mace

He battles co-workers

    For the best parking place

Years have passed since he last

    Stole a damsel away

Now his life’s greatest thrill

    Is Casual Friday

He doesn’t breathe fire

    It’s out of the question

Unless he steps out

    To his work’s smoking section

No, he’s not such a scourge

Nor vile tormentor

Since he started his job

At a corporate call center

The Circus Rat

Goodness! Has it actually been several weeks since my last post? Things are a bit hectic, so I can’t promise that I’ll be posting every day, but here’s a little piece I wrote a few years ago. It was inspired by the ever amusing Cirque du Sewer: http://www.cirquedusewershow.com/

The Circus Rat

Ladies and Gentleman!

Come gather ‘round!

Come witness a feat

That’s sure to astound!

This remarkable rat

Influenza by name

Has traveled the world

And garnered great fame

Her comical grace

Rivals Chaplin and Brice

Believe it or not

Ripley saw her show twice!

She can jump through a hoop,

And walk a high wire

Up hundreds of rat feet

(or possibly higher!)

The Flying Wallendas

Hold her in esteem

And Barnum once asked her

To join his team

So come one, come all

The entrance is free

We promise the greatest

Show you’ll ever see

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